


Les Non-Dits

by albxnx



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Light Angst, M/M, Sad, Slice of Life, Thomas is blind, Weddings, it's really sad though, james doesn't share his thoughts, or at least a bit sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-06-08 07:53:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15238827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/albxnx/pseuds/albxnx
Summary: We don't always say the things that need to be said. And sometimes it's too late...For Thomas and James, there were too many "non-dits" (French: unsaids)





	1. He had that smile that made everything else vanish around him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hello, my name is Thomas Jefferson.”
> 
> He had that smile that made everything else vanish around him.
> 
> Hello, my name is James Madison.
> 
> “Would you like to be my friend ?”
> 
> Sure… I don’t know if I’ll be a good friend though…
> 
> “You don’t talk much do you ?”
> 
> No, not really… 
> 
> “It’s fine ! I like talking ! I’ll talk for both of us. We are gonna be the best friends ever !”

“Hello, my name is Thomas Jefferson.”

 

He had that smile that made everything else vanish around him.

 

 _My name is James Madison_.

 

“Would you like to be my friend ?”

 

_Sure… I don’t know if I’ll be a good friend though…_

 

“You don’t talk much do you ?”

 

_No, not really…_

 

“It’s fine ! I like talking ! I’ll talk for both of us. We are gonna be the best friends ever !”

 

*****

 

“Wow, you’re easily sick aren’t you ?”

 

_Yes, I’m sorry…_

 

“Don’t worry, I’ll be there for you ! Always !”

 

_Don’t make stupid promises…_

 

“Why are you looking at me like that ! I’d never lie to you !”

 

_Fine then… I trust you…_

 

_*****_

 

“James look… We are in the same class this year too !”

 

_I look I look… I see it…_

 

“Last year of high school and we’ve never been apart ! That’s a sign right ?”

 

_It sure is yes…_

 

_*****_

 

“Come on James ! We are both amazing writers and you love politics just as much as I do ! Let’s study together !”

 

_I don’t know Thomas… I never thought about studying law or politics…_

 

“We’d be amazing ! The best team ever !”

 

_But Thomas… I’m sick and shy I couldn’t speak publicly I-_

 

“James you’re my best friend… I don’t wanna lose you… And I believe in you ! I really do…”

 

_I don’t want to lose you either… I will trust you then…_

 

_*****_

 

“James, there is this party at Laf’s house for the end of college. We should go…”

 

_I don’t know Thomas, you know I’m not very comfortable in that sort of place…_

 

“I know you don’t really like parties, but this’ll be our last one as college students ! It might never be the same between us again !”

 

_Ah… That’s right… I had forgotten… Okay then…_

 

_*****_

 

“Come on James, just one glass ! You’ll see it’s fun !

 

_You know I get sick easily Thomas…_

 

“It won’t hurt you I promise !”

 

_Promise… ?_

 

“Come on !”

 

_Fine… I’d trust you with my life…_

 

_*****_

 

“James I’m leaving for France…”

 

_It’s fine Thomas… It’s your life, you should live it to its fullest…_

 

“It’s kinda long… Five years… Maybe less…”

 

_I’ll wait for you._

 

“I should have told you sooner… I’m sorry…”

 

_Don’t be Thomas… It’s fine… I’m fine._

 

“James… About what happened at the party…”

 

_Don’t, please…_

 

“I don’t want it to affect our friendship…”

 

_It won’t._

 

“You are my closest and most cherished friend James, I don’t want to lose you…”

 

_You won’t, I’ll wait for you. Always._

 

“Bye James ! I’ll miss you !”

 

_I’ll miss you too…_

_More than anything…_

 

_*****_

 

 **Tjeff:** Hey James ! France is so cool ! I hope you’ll get to visit it someday ! How’s everything ?

 

_It’s not the same without you…_

 

 **Tjeff:** Lafayette is seriously losing his shit right now, he wants to show me everything already. And we’ve only been there for a day !

 

_Only a day… Wow, you’re lucky… You’ve still got plenty of time there…_

 

 **Tjeff:** I gotta leave Laf is playing the French Anthem full blast and we’re gonna get in trouble ! Bye ~~

 

_Bye…_

 

*****

 

 **Tjeff** : Hey James ! I got classes to attend so I can’t stay long, but I wanted to send you a little text ! Have a nice day ! I miss you !

 

_Have a nice day too Thomas… I miss you._

 

*****

 

 **Tjeff:** Hey Jemmy ! Gotta go quick, but have a nice day ! Don’t forget your meds !

 

_I won’t, bye Thomas…_

 

*****

 

 **Tjeff** : Have a nice day !

 

_You too Thomas…_

 

*****

 

_Hey Thomas, you didn’t text me today…_

_I hope you have a nice day…_

 

_*****_

 

_Hey Thomas, I’m a bit worried. I hope you’re okay…_

_Have a nice day…_

 

_*****_

 

_Hey Thomas, how are your classes ?_

_Have a nice day…_

 

_*****_

 

_Happy Birthday Thomas…_

_I wish you the best. Have a nice day…_

 

_*****_

 

_Sometimes I wish I had the strength to actually text you without fearing your reaction after years of silence…_

 

_*****_

 

_Have a nice day Thomas…_

 

_*****_

 

_Have a nice day Thomas…_

 

_*****_

 

_Have a nice day Thomas…_

 

_*****_

 

 **Tjeff:** Hey James ! It’s been a while right ? Five years ! Didn’t see them pass !

 

_I did…_

 

 **Tjeff:** I’m coming back ! Could you wait for me at the airport ?

 

_Sure, everything for you Thomas…_

 

 **Tjeff:** Love ya Jemmy ;)

 

_I love you too Thomas._

 

*****

 

“So what’d I miss ?”

 

_So much… I don’t know where to begin…_

 

“You’re still as small, it’s so cute !”

 

_You’re still as blind, it’s heartbreaking…_

 

“Aw I missed you Jemmy !”

 

_Thought you’d never say it…_

_I missed you too Thomas._

 

*****

 

“That Hamilton is a real pain in the ass !”

 

_I know, I hate him too…_

 

“How did you deal with him for so long ?”

 

_I knew you were going to come back…_

 

*****

 

“James, while you were sick in bed today, you won’t believe what Washington made me do: he gave me a case to work on with Hamilton !”

 

_I’m sorry Thomas… I didn’t know…_

 

“I’ll have to work with him for at least a week ! Ugh…”

 

_I’m sorry Thomas… I didn’t want to…_

_I didn’t want to lose you…_

 

*****

 

“I’m off to Hamilton’s James ! See you !”

 

_Isn’t the case closed ?_

 

“Well… no… I mean not really…”

 

_Okay then…_

 

“I’ll be back for our movie night I promise ! See you !”

 

_I trust you don’t worry…_

_I’d trust you with my life._

 

*****

 

“Sorry James ! I didn’t see the time ! I promise it won’t happen again !”

 

_It’s fine Thomas. It’s only one night. I trust you…_

 

*****

 

“James, I fell in love.”

 

_Oh._

_Well… me too._

 

“With Hamilton…”

 

_Ah… Okay then…_

 

“I’m sorry I should have told you sooner...”

 

_It’s fine Thomas. You are free to love who you want._

 

“I asked him out. He said yes.”

 

_Great then. I wish you all the best. I only want you to be happy…_

 

*****

 

“Shut up ! I love him !”

 

_I know you do… I’m just teasing. You’re always picking at each other, I just find it funny…_

 

*****

 

“I can’t come tonight. I’m going out with Alex… Sorry…”

 

_Again ? Well… Okay then…_

 

*****

 

“James why are you like this ? I wanna spend time with him because I love him ! He’s my boyfriend !”

 

_I know… I understand… But it’s been months since our last movie night…_

 

“James why can’t you just be happy for me for once ?”

 

_I am… I am trying really hard to be Thomas, I promise…_

 

*****

 

 **Tjeff:** I’m at Alex’s house James, I’ll catch up with you later.

 

_Okay, I’ll wait for you._

 

*****

 

 **Tjeff:** Sorry I’ll be late.

 

_I’ll wait._

 

_*****_

 

 **Tjeff:** I can’t come I’ll see you tomorrow !

 

_See you tomorrow…_

 

_*****_

 

_Hey Thomas, we don’t get to talk that often anymore at the office. I don’t want to bother you with my texts. I hope everything is fine with Alex._

_I still got that movie you wanted to see… Drop by whenever you want… I don’t have many people to see anyway…_

 

*****

 

_Hey Thomas, it’s James. Just wanted to tell you you looked very good today. I’m cooking mac and cheese tonight if you want to come home. Bring Alex, there is enough for three… Probably too much for one though…_

 

_*****_

 

_Hey Thomas, hope you have a nice day._

 

_*****_

 

“James, I’m getting married.”

 

_I see… It’s great. I’m happy for you…_

 

“I know we haven’t talked a lot lately, but I needed to tell you. I’m sorry for everything. You are my closest friend...”

 

_You are my closest friend too…_

_I’d trust you with my life…_

 

“James I’d like you to be my wedding witness.”

 

_Sure Thomas… Anything for you Thomas…_

 

“Thank you James. I love you little buddy.”

 

_I love you too, Thomas. I love you so much._

 

*****

 

“I do.”

 

_Alex looks happy. He’s an amazing man, a bit annoying, but it matches your temper. You’ll be happy together, I wish you all the best._

 

“I do.”

 

_You look magnificent Thomas. You should see the smile on your face._

_That smile that makes everything else vanish around you._

 

“James over there !”

 

_I’m coming Thomas. I’m always there for you._

 

“Wait I’m gonna show you something.”

 

_I’ll always wait for you Thomas. I promise._

 

“Here open it ! Trust me it won’t bite !”

 

_I’d trust you with my life._

 

“It’s nothing much but I hope you’d like it.”

 

He had that smile that made everything else vanish around him.

 

“James, what’s going on ? Why are you crying ?”

 

_I_ _’m sorry Thomas… You know I don’t talk much…_

 

“Come on, tell me James !”

 

He had that smile that made everything else vanish around him.

Deep breath, an embrace.

A whisper.

 

“ _I love you._ ”

_Have a nice life Thomas..._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little angsty present to apologize for the time I took for chapter 4 of "A Hand on the Heart".
> 
> Enjoy sad bean Madison unable to express his feelings  
> Who said "I love you" in the end for you ?
> 
> Hehe don't kill me in the comments lolol
> 
> Thank you for reading and see you soon !


	2. He had those eyes that made everything else vanish around him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hello, my name is Thomas Jefferson.”
> 
> He had those eyes that made everything else vanish around him.
> 
> You barely said your name, James Madison. I read it on your lips.
> 
> “Would you like to be my friend ?”
> 
> Your eyes widened. You were surprised. I was the sun that no one dared to approach. You were the darkness everyone feared and fled.
> 
> “You don’t talk much do you ?”
> 
> Your eyes express everything already.
> 
> “It’s fine ! I like talking ! I’ll talk for both of us. We are gonna be the best friends ever !”
> 
> I’m sorry for talking too loud. Should have read your eyes more often…

“Hello, my name is Thomas Jefferson.”

 

He had those eyes that made everything else vanish around him.

 

_You barely said your name, James Madison. I read it on your lips._

 

“Would you like to be my friend ?”

 

_Your eyes widened. You were surprised. I was the sun that no one dared to approach. You were the darkness everyone feared and fled._

 

“You don’t talk much do you ?”

 

_Your eyes express everything already._

 

“It’s fine ! I like talking ! I’ll talk for both of us. We are gonna be the best friends ever !”

 

_I’m sorry for talking too loud. Should have read your eyes more often…_

 

*****

 

“Wow, you’re easily sick aren’t you ?”

 

_Don’t look away it’s fine…_

 

“Don’t worry, I’ll be there for you ! Always !”

 

_You shrugged, you did not believe me._

 

“Why are you looking at me like that ! I’d never lie to you !”

 

_You smiled. You trusted me._

 

_*****_

 

“James look… We are in the same class this year too !”

 

_You looked happy, your eyes said it._

 

“Last year of high school and we’ve never been apart ! That’s a sign right ?”

 

_You blushed, you didn’t answer._

 

_*****_

 

“Come on James ! We are both amazing writers and you love politics just as much as I do ! Let’s study together !”

 

_You were scared. You never thought about such a career._

 

“We’d be amazing ! The best team ever !”

 

_You tried to speak. I cut you._

 

“James you’re my best friend… I don’t wanna lose you… And I believe in you ! I really do…”

 

_I did. I do. And on that day your eyes said yes._

 

_*****_

 

“James, there is this party at Laf’s house for the end of college. We should go…”

 

_You looked scared. I pushed you to go._

 

“I know you don’t really like parties, but this’ll be our last one as college students ! It might never be the same between us again !”

 

_The words rang in my chest. They did in your eyes too._

 

_*****_

 

“Come on James, just one glass ! You’ll see it’s fun !

 

_I want you to have fun James._

 

“It won’t hurt you I promise !”

 

_I won’t let anything happen to you._

 

“Come on !”

 

_You trusted me._

 

_*****_

 

“James I’m leaving for France…”

 

_The light in your eyes flickered._

 

“It’s kinda long… Five years… Maybe less…”

 

_It won’t be less. You know it too. It’s written in your eyes._

 

“I should have told you sooner… I’m sorry…”

 

_You smiled. Your eyes didn’t._

 

“James… About what happened at the party…”

 

_You tensed, you didn’t answer._

 

“I don’t want it to affect our friendship…”

 

_Say something._

 

“You are my closest and most cherished friend James, I don’t want to lose you…”

 

_You smiled, but you said nothing._

 

“Bye James ! I’ll miss you !”

 

_Please wait for me…_

 

_*****_

 

 **Tjeff:** Hey James ! France is so cool ! I hope you’ll get to visit it someday ! How’s everything ?

 

_You said it was fine. I could not see your eyes._

 

 **Tjeff:** Lafayette is seriously losing his shit right now, he wants to show me everything already. And we’ve only been there for a day !

 

_Only a day… Did it pinch your heart the same way it pinched mine ?_

 

 **Tjeff:** I gotta leave Laf is playing the French Anthem full blast and we’re gonna get in trouble ! Bye ~~

 

_Please wait for me…_

 

*****

 

 **Tjeff** : Hey James ! I got classes to attend so I can’t stay long, but I wanted to send you a little text ! Have a nice day ! I miss you !

 

_You didn’t say “I miss you”…_

 

*****

 

 **Tjeff:** Hey Jemmy ! Gotta go quick, but have a nice day ! Don’t forget your meds !

 

_You said you wouldn’t. I trusted you. I’d have trusted you with my life._

 

*****

 

 **Tjeff** : Have a nice day !

 

_Please wait for me…._

 

*****

 

_Hey James, I didn’t text you today. I wanted to. But I wanted to see if you would._

_You didn’t._

 

_*****_

 

_Hey James, I’m getting worried about you_

_Have a nice day…_

 

_*****_

 

_Hey James, how are your classes ?_

_Have a nice day…_

 

_*****_

 

_Happy Birthday James…_

_I wish you the best. Have a nice day…_

 

_*****_

 

_Sometimes I wish I had the strength to actually text you without fearing your reaction after years of silence…_

 

_*****_

 

_Have a nice day James… Please wait for me..._

 

_*****_

 

_Have a nice day James… Please wait for me…_

 

_*****_

 

_Have a nice day James…_

 

_*****_

 

 **Tjeff:** Hey James ! It’s been a while right ? Five years ! Didn’t see them pass !

 

_I lied. You shouldn’t always trust me._

 

 **Tjeff:** I’m coming back ! Could you wait for me at the airport ?

 

_Could you_ _wait for m_ _e one last time ?_

 

 **Tjeff:** Love ya Jemmy ;)

 

_Have you ever waited for me ?_

 

*****

 

“So what’d I miss ?”

 

_Did you miss me ?_

 

“You’re still as small, it’s so cute !”

 

_You smiled. Your eyes shone. I missed them._

 

“Aw I missed you Jemmy !”

 

_You said you missed me too, but you seemed sad. I couldn’t read your eyes. I forgot how to…_

_But I’ll learn again._

_Just wait for me…_

 

*****

 

“That Hamilton is a real pain in the ass !”

 

_He talks so much ! Your exact opposite !_

 

“How did you deal with him for so long ?”

 

_You didn’t answer. I couldn’t read your eyes._

 

*****

 

“James, while you were sick in bed today, you won’t believe what Washington made me do: he gave me a case to work on with Hamilton !”

 

_I don’t want our team to break._

 

“I’ll have to work with him for at least a week ! Ugh…”

 

_I don’t want our relationship to fade…_

_I didn’t want to lose you…_

 

*****

 

“I’m off to Hamilton’s James ! See you !”

 

_I saw it in your eyes._

 

“Well… no… I mean not really…”

 

_I saw the moment you understood I lied._

 

“I’ll be back for our movie night I promise ! See you !”

 

_You shouldn’t always trust me._

 

*****

 

“Sorry James ! I didn’t see the time ! I promise it won’t happen again !”

 

_I lied. You shouldn’t always trust me._

 

*****

 

“James, I fell in love.”

 

_Say something._

 

“With Hamilton…”

 

_Say something please._

 

“I’m sorry I should have told you sooner...”

 

_Your eyes had darkened. It only lasted a second though. The next they shone again._

 

“I asked him out. He said yes.”

 

_You said you were happy. Your eyes said the contrary. Should have read your eyes more often…_

 

*****

 

“Shut up ! I love him !”

 

_You didn’t mean any harm. Your eyes said it. But you didn’t believe me. I probably didn’t believe myself either…_

 

*****

 

“I can’t come tonight. I’m going out with Alex… Sorry…”

 

_You said nothing._

 

*****

 

“James why are you like this ? I wanna spend time with him because I love him ! He’s my boyfriend !”

 

_I’m sorry. I’m sorry James. I’m sorry Alex._

 

“James why can’t you just be happy for me for once ?”

 

_Why don’t you ever answer ?_

 

*****

 

 **Tjeff:** I’m at Alex’s house James, I’ll catch up with you later.

 

_Don’t wait for me please…_

 

*****

 

 **Tjeff:** Sorry I’ll be late.

 

_Don’t wait for me please…_

 

_*****_

 

 **Tjeff:** I can’t come I’ll see you tomorrow !

 

_Please..._

 

_*****_

 

_Hey James, we don’t get to talk that often anymore at the office. I don’t want to bother you with my texts. I hope everything is fine…_

_You probably still got that movie I wanted to see… I really want to drop by someday… But after how I’ve treated you, I can’t anymore…_

 

*****

 

_Hey James, it’s Thomas. Just wanted to tell you you looked very good today. It’s Saturday right ? Mac and cheese night… You will probably prepare too much for one, as usual, cause you know how much I love it… But don’t wait for me please…_

 

_*****_

 

_I gotta move on James… For you. For Alex. For me…_

 

_*****_

 

“James, I’m getting married.”

 

_I love him James, I really do… He doesn’t always believe me though..._

 

“I know we haven’t talked a lot lately, but I needed to tell you. I’m sorry for everything. You are my closest friend...”

 

_I can’t live without you… I’m so sorry… I need my best friend back James…_

_Say something please…_

 

“James I’d like you to be my wedding witness.”

 

_After all, you know I’m in love._

 

“Thank you James. I love you little buddy.”

 

_You know who I love._

 

*****

 

“I do.”

 

_Alex looks happy. He’s an amazing man, a bit annoying, but it matches my temper. I’ll be happy with him. He’s my whole world. I’d trust him with my life._

_He knows I love him… You know I love him… He knows I love you… But he loves me and he said it. I can’t hurt him anymore._

 

“I do.”

 

_I was standing in the sun, facing the only man that dared to approach me and let himself get burnt. I saw you standing in the darkness that everyone feared and fled._

_You should see your eyes James._

_Those eyes that make everything else vanish around you._

 

“James over there !”

 

_You stepped into the light. Finally…_

 

“Wait I’m gonna show you something.”

 

_You shouldn’t have always waited for me…_

 

“Here open it ! Trust me it won’t bite !”

 

_You shouldn’t have always trusted me…_

 

“It’s nothing much but I hope you’d like it.”

 

He had thoseeyes that made everything else vanish around him.

 

“James, what’s going on ? Why are you crying ?”

 

_Why don’t you ever speak ? Why have you never answered ?_

 

“Come on, tell me James !”

 

He had those eyes that made everything else vanish around him.

Should have read the answer in your eyes.

Should have read your eyes more often.

You spoke. You answered.

 

“ _I love you._ ”

 

_Please don’t ever wait for me again James..._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was going to end with only a one shot and I thought "Oh maybe I could break their heart a little more by writing Thomas' POV"
> 
> So here it is !  
> Tell me which one is your favourite (personally I prefer James' one lolol)
> 
> Chapter 5 of "A Hand on the Heart" is on its way lolol
> 
> Don't forget to leave a kudo or a comment !
> 
> See you !!


End file.
